![]() But, the solace comes from the continuous feeling of being master of one’s own destiny. If anything, it would appear to be considerably riskier than the other options. This is not even remotely to suggest that my choice to stay in control of my own destiny is the wiser of the two. So is it really safer to take the predictable route or is it smarter to stay nimble and facilitate one’s ability to gravitate to greener pastures as time and the world evolve?īy controlling the paintbrush and enabling me to continually evaluate choices, circumstances, opportunities as well as threats and defined concerns, I feel considerably more capable of recognizing the variables that stand to accelerate or decelerate my potential progress and thereby at a minimum giving me ample cause to learn from each of the times that I am cleaning my feet and painting over my footprints. ![]() What would appear safe at the outset is equally unstable in a financial world that is fully capable of disruption through both innovation as well as world issues. Look at Virgin Records or Barnes & Noble and other highly successful retail organizations that found themselves digitally disrupted by a start up with even higher ambition and a much better business model. Within a reasonable period of time, we discover that any kind of stable industry might be entirely disrupted, and by virtue, nonexistent at a later point on the timeline. Witness people who have opted for a lifetime career in an organization that promises them pension and retirement benefits. To the contrary, most of the predictable qualities are a complete illusion, subject to countless unforeseen variables that might well disrupt every aspect that had been relied upon in making what would appear to be a safer choice in life. But, having watched numerous others take this course of action, I would say with clear hindsight, that nothing is predictable. It would be so much easier sometimes to just fall into a predictable regimen that facilitates the opportunity to know (presumably) that things will go as would be expected. The joy of being self determining is, of course, a blessing and a burden and sometimes it is both at the same moment. Looking at that circumstance through the parameters of said metaphor, I find that I am stuck in a position in which I must either remain static for a long enough period that the paint will dry or I am going to leave a bunch of foot prints and have to both repaint the floor and clean my feet as a direct result. And in many circumstances, I have found that I have painted myself into a corner. I have tried at so many junctions to continually control my own metaphorical paint brush. Each having exponential potential ramifications to contemplate as they fan out into ever greater outcomes. It appears at face value to be self-explanatory. Do not give the paintbrush to anyone else. As she became more obese and her sexual characteristics were, in a sense, camouflaged, a feeling of safety came upon her.You are the artist of your life. Blaming herself and her body, Sandra discovered that as she inadvertently put on weight, the unwanted attention seemed to lessen. The violation continued for years, and these were years marked by the shame and guilt of a confused little girl. Starting at age 10, Sandra had begun to show signs of becoming a young woman-changes that did not go unnoticed by a sick and depraved uncle who molested her. I began to dig deep, and it didn't take long to solve the mystery. ![]() Somehow, someway, she unconsciously felt uncomfortable giving up her obesity. It was clear to me that Sandra was getting some kind of payoff for this self-sabotage. Yet despite repeated attempts at dieting, she would put the weight back on every time she got close to her goal. Consciously, she hated her appearance and feared for her life, knowing she was at high risk for a heart attack or stroke. At 5'2" and 195 pounds, she professed to be desperate to lose weight. Sandra, a former patient of mine, was a clear example. If you have open emotional wounds, then you will "feed the need." Food can be a great comforter and can create weight that is a great excuse to drop out of all or part of your life. I know this sounds like a tall order, but let me assure you that it will be one of the easiest and most effective ways to manage your emotional life. That's why you must learn to put your mind into slow motion like a videotape. Changing your emotional responses, and the unwanted eating behavior that flows from them, requires slowing down, listening to your thinking, evaluating your reactions, and altering them.
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